UK supermarket chain has seen a significant downturn in sales volume in recent years. Ever since former CEO Sir Terry Leahy aka Terry Leahy left in March 2011 sales have been declining, yet the volume of customers sliding in and out of stores across the UK has held up, but sales are still going down.
The management style of liverpudlian Terry Leahy was lively and spunky he got things done quickly and efficiently his modus operandi was not ‘Wham Bam Thank You Mam’ – No Sir! He was a serial plunger he got intimate with the buying public going from store to store on an ad lib basis and taking a ‘Long Gun’ approach to increasing sales. He set out the product lines that were to be promoted then he knew he was equipped to service the customers, many who had heard the sales hype and were ‘Cumming in Ecstasy’ as they scrambled to buy the special bargain offers.
Then Terry Leahy was gone retired and quickly Tesco sales started tanking, something had to be done and done quickly. But the Tesco management was floundering and lacking in ideas how to kick start a boost in sales! However now thanks to a French marketing analyst brought in to assess the behavioral and body language of the Tesco shoppers across the UK a sales upturn is on the way.
According to Tesco checkout girl gossip this French guy was quite a dude and quickly picked up two nicknames – Monsieur E. Jaculate and Spurty 69 – because he was known to have engaged in some horizontal tutoring with a hand full of checkout girls!
Back on the subject the analyst concluded that a large percentage of the Tesco male customers fell into one of two categories red nosed middle age men that had been soaked in alcohol for decades that they now suffered from erectile dysfunction. Then there were millions of men and women ranging in age from teens through 20s – 30s and 40s that were in the main so f**ked up thanks to habitual shooting and snorting cocaine and heroin et al that none of the girls or boys had any sexual desires and were in permanent state of lethargy.
But here is the ‘Sting in the Tale’ Tesco have started selling medication to treat erectile dysfunction with all outlets now selling – Cialis – Viagra – Levitra and more… like gingseng supplements similar to products sold at Ann Summers
The response to increase sales has been overwhelming the Tesco stores are packed with smiling men and contented women customers a social malfunction has been reversed to what is now a ‘Stand Up Position’ and Tesco sales are booming again as the cash tills orgasm with satisfaction.
Tesco Erect New Marketing Strategy To Stand Up To Buyer Demands…