We may fear they can be perceived as wrong, weird or perverse, but regardless the reasons, we often bounce back when it comes to discuss our sexual fantasies with friends. In fact, many people find it more comfortable and titillating to come clean about it with total strangers than with those close to them.
We have the tendency of putting labels and if abnormal is one we can use, we are afraid we are not normal because of dreaming on a hot bondage love making session or anything else like sadomasochism or voyeurism which, as researchers discovered, are fantasies encountered among numerous “normal” people.
One study conducted by Brett Kahr, a psychologist activating in UK, is enough to mention in order to prove that almost all people fantasize but almost none of them talk about it. This man surveyed, anonymously, 18.000 Britain and Americans and discovered that 9/10 have sexual fantasies but they are embarrassed and refuse admitting it. So why is that?
Shame or guild, embarrassment and lack of communication with the partner are also to blame. If we watch porn without admitting it, how can we admit we would love a threesome or self pleasuring with a partner sitting next beside us? It may be difficult to answer this “how” question, but maybe a few “why” could make things easier.
Fantasizing makes us more attractive
And increases our self esteem. All fantasies are about us being incredibly attractive, manifesting our power on someone, letting ourselves possessed, playing a role we love yet never can have in daily life, doing the most forbidden things and so on. All these make us feel attractive, give us power and more sex appeal. Sex in general and orgasms in particular are more of a brain thing than we could have ever pictured. Therefore, stimulating our brain in this direction can only have the most positive effects on our sex lives, derived not just from the power of the imagination, but from the self esteem that comes as a bonus. If you can lead your partner to ultimate pleasures in your fantasies, you will sure lead him or her in the real life too.
Fantasizing helps us coping with past sexual traumas
Some people were unfortunate enough to have either traumas or just less pleasant sexual encounters in the past, making it hard for them to enjoy intercourse in the present. Keeping their minds busy with scripts that go according to their own will, where they are in total control and nothing goes wrong is great!
After all, fantasizing can be used whenever you feel that your sexual insecurities are about to surface so that you gain confidence in your mind, which will then reflect in your attitude and actions.
Fantasizing is something we all learn
If you have never been there, it is always a starting point. Because it can solely happen in your head, you can try everything you want without being afraid of anything. It takes plenty of practice but rewards will be generous through time.